It seems like with parenting, there’s always something to worry about. What if someone spikes a fever? What if they cut themselves with scissors? What if they don’t have any friends? And if they DO have friends, what will I do with the dog if they come over to play? While we can’t wrap our kids in bubble wrap to keep them safe, the good news is that when it comes to playdates, there’s a lot you can do to keep the kids and your dog busy so that everyone has a good time (dog included). Let’s talk about kid playdate etiquette when you have a dog. You have three main objectives: to make sure the kids have a good time, to keep the kids safe from the dog, and to keep the dog safe from the kids. Let’s talk about how to make this happen.
Playdate Preparation
Before your guests arrive, there’s a lot you can do to tip the scales in your favor to ensure that things go smoothly. It would help, for example, to know ahead of time if your guests are comfortable with or afraid of dogs. This can help you to plan how to keep your dog occupied if it needs to stay under the radar. Of course, just because the kids may have a dog of their own doesn’t mean that they will behave respectfully to your dog or that your dog won’t be overexcited or nervous around the visitors.
Rules to Support the Dog
Talk with the parents or guardians of your guests in advance. Consider setting a time limit for the playdate, and make sure that if you have any particular rules, that you mention them. If your dog is nervous of strangers or children, it’s particularly important to set some clear guidelines for how your guests should behave around the family pooch. Simple rules, such as these, can help fearful dogs:
- Invite the dog to the child to say hello instead of having the child approach the dog.
- Use inside voices when you are in the same room with the dog.
- Before playing with extra noisy toys or in times of general chaos, make sure the dog is in a different room.
- If the dog is in a crate, behind a barrier or chewing a toy, that means that zone is off limits.
If the dog gets really excited around children, different rules may apply:
- Just because kids can play with their dog unsupervised at their house doesn’t mean that the same is true in your home.
- The dog may need to be leashed in case it gets excited and wants to chase or jump on the kids.
- If the dog gets too physical, the kids can “be a tree” which may help the dog to calm down.
- If you want to run, go outside (provided the dog is inside, of course).
- Barriers may need to be used to prevent the dog from chasing the kids. These indicate a “no go zone” for visitors.
Kid Playdate Activities
It goes without saying that playdate activities will vary depending on the ages of the kids involved. Toddlers, for example, can easily be contained and entertained with toys. Older kids, though, may need more space and a greater variety of activities to keep them occupied. Invite kids to help make a list of fun activities that they can do together – this ensures that everyone feels like they have a say. If they begin to bicker about someone not sharing a toy or that they are bored, you can move to the next activity on the list. Or you can even set the timer on your phone and switch activities every time the alarm goes off.
Some children love to do calm activities, like coloring or other art projects. Not only are activities like this peaceful in your house, but they don’t tend to get your dog aroused. Clip your dog’s leash to your belt loop while the kids are working on this activity, so you can patrol the scene together. Otherwise, take advantage of the kids being distracted and watch an episode of your favorite show (while folding a load of laundry, of course).
Even kiddos who love to do crafts can get bored after awhile, and they may need to switch up their activities. Perhaps they get ants in their pants and feel compelled to run around the house and play tag. At this point, you might notice the dog getting agitated. For some breeds, the kids running may trigger some of their herding instincts and they may try to chase the kids, nip at their ankles and bark. If that’s the case, it’s time to intervene. Or even better, if you notice the energy ramping up, move the dog to a quiet room with a special toy, frozen Kong, or a bone so they don’t get amped up in the first place.
When my kids were little, it was common to find a dog running loose in the backyard with the kids while they were playing. It was never anything I worried about. My kids weren’t afraid of dogs, and for the most part, these dogs tended to ignore the kids. But now that I know more about dog behavior, I’d rather that neither the kids nor dogs were put in this situation in the first place. It’s so easy for dogs to get excited and make bad choices – not because they are aggressive, but because it’s FUN to play. But accidents can happen, and it would be best to avoid them, if possible – especially when you are hosting a playdate.
Plan Ahead
If your kid is going to another house to play, ask if they have a dog. If so, ask where the dog will be while the kids are playing. Most parents don’t even realize that the dog needs to be considered – and they should. If you wouldn’t want another family leaving the kitchen cleaver within reach of the kids, I would’t leave the dog unsupervised with the kiddos either. When you know better, you do better.
I’m a certified professional dog trainer and would be happy to prepare you and your dog for hosting safe playdates together. We can discuss a variety of management options and training activities to help your dog listen to you while distracting guests are visiting. I can either work with you at your home in Marin County or virtually via video conferencing. Please visit my Services page if you are interested.
